If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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