I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
