Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
