My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
