therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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