New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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