Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
