This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just pee around me
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
