Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
