So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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