Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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