I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize