I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
