Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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