battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
