Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
