We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
