why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
