This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
