Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
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