Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
