DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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