Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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