Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
