everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
