One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
