i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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