i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
This house was built for laser tag.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
