How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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