Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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