My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Pooping to opera.
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