its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
