She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize