I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
