The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
ttyl tear gas
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
