marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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