final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I am one with the molecules
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize