she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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