I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
