Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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