Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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