Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize