she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
