u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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