i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
