He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You were trust falling into bushes
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize