I think i peed on brittanys purse
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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