oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
