My boss' voice literally gives me gas
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
