I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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