My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I didn't shave. On purpose
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
