I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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