In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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