literally had 100 drinks last night.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
