i need an iv and a liver transplant
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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