wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
