I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I can't turn off my feet"
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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