Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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