But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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