Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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