so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
