i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
