I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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