If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
