Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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