Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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