I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
