i will never coherently bang her
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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