If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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