New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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