Can i not drive my cunt home
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Randomize
