boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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