So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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