you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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