i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
