I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
