My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
so let's talk penis.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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