Your mouth is God's brothel.
now i know why i became what i already was.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
