So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
