you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize