i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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