LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
