There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
