i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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