Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
