Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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