I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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