oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
