I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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