i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
