i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize