he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
is that a dick in a sweater?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
