Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Randomize
