twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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