when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
