Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
