I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
