is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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