theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
