i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Do vagina's smell?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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