I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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