you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
