Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
