I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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