I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
