i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
