So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
