How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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