you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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